A Pelhamite 貝崙客

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Death and Tax


"Technically, you're not paying taxes. According to the Bush administration, your bank account is being liberated." —Jay Leno "Last night in his speech, President Bush called for a complete overhaul of the tax code. He said he was shocked to find out that some millionaires in this country were still paying taxes." --Jay Leno "President Bush says he’s going to simplify the tax code. Only the states that are blue will have to pay." –-David Letterman "It's tax time and President Bush is saving a lot on taxes this year. He's writing off his entire second term." --David Letterman "We ought to thank President Bush. He made it a lot easier for people to do taxes this year. No job, no income tax this year." —Jay Leno "Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq." —Conan O'Brien


Post Office just recalled their newest stamps: They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. How are an apple and a I.R.S. agent alike? They both look good hanging from a tree. What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of I.R.S. agents do? He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect. What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent? His co-workers.


"I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes . . ." -- Mark Twain "The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr." -- Will Rogers "Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery." -- Calvin Coolidge "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax." -- Albert Einstein "65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women." -- Jay Leno "If your accountant is Arthur Anderson ... today is the last day you could have your tax documents shredded by April 15th." -- David Letterman "What Mae West said about sex is true about taxes. All tax cuts are good tax cuts; even bad tax cuts are good tax cuts." -- Grover Norquist "I love America, but I can't spend the whole year here. I can't afford the taxes." -- Mick Jagger " [The federal income tax system is] a disgrace to the human race." -- Jimmy Carter "My company [i.e., AT&T] fills out 39,000 tax forms a year; that's one every three and a half minutes." -- Michael Armstrong


It's too bad for the middle income person. They earn too much to avoid paying taxes and make too little to afford paying them About the time a man is cured of swearing, another income tax is due. Our government really takes care of us. They even give us free income tax forms. Nothing makes a person more modest about their income than to fill out a tax form. A dime is a dollar with all the various taxes deducted. Tax loopholes are like parking meters. As soon as you see one they're gone. A political promise today means another tax tomorrow.